i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
