Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
