I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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