he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
