I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
