it's like iHOP with fire
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
