I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
soo... how was my night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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