I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
