You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
