So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
