I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
