This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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