Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
