Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
