she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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