i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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