We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
