I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
