I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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