Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
