Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
