I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
