I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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