During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
