I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
