i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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