literally had 100 drinks last night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
