You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
