Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
