My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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