blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize