that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
