singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
