The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
