Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
