Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
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so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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