The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
