I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
