I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i love accidental penises.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
