you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
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Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
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Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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