His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
