it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize
