I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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