I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So vagazzling was a success
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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