I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
