hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
