shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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