You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
