Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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