I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
