She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
