its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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