I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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