she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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