If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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