if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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