Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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