My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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