he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
