I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
