I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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