I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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