Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
