Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
