I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
