Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
