the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
did you just send me my own nude
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