puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
