so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
