I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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