If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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